So Sorry

I'm tired of all this shit. I'm tired of still waiting for something that isn't worthy at all to be waited. I'm tired of hoping that you could ever be nice again. I'm tired of expecting that you still want to be my bestfriend. I'm tired of being treated this way.

But most of all,

The thing that you did recently, really breaks my heart into pieces. It's not because I still like you or what-so-ever, but even a normal person, would never be happy if they're being treated this way. It's not that I haven't forgive. Of course I forgive you, I can't be rude to you, I'm SCARED of you. I'm scared that you will disappear, when actually you almost disappear in my life.

I don't know how things could turn this bad. What did I do wrong? Am I mean? Am I rude? Am I annoying or something?
If you said yes to all those questions, well I'm just trying to be nice. And FYI I never exaggerate to get something. And the question doesn't stop there. Do you hate me? Would you want to see me again? Would you want to look at my face again? Would you remember what things that I did the past 6 months? Maybe you're answering all no, I'm being pessimistic right now, because the feedback that I got was even terrible than the feedback from my enemy.

I love you, as a friend now, or less than friend. And I just wanted to be friends. Oh no, this is not for you, this is for me. Me, please change.. And you probably wouldn't read this so, yeah.

And still, Bryan is the best guy-bestbud ever. No one defeats his kindness and stuffs.
(ps: this is not about Bryan. He got nothing to be protested)